dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize