Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
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You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
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You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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