could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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