WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
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Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
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