Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize