we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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