I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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