Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
