i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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