Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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