Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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