Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize