Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
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easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
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The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize