i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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