either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
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Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
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Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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