Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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