Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
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