can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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