Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize