So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
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Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
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THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I touched a dick in church today
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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