Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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