i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
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We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
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American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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