I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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