the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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