here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
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but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
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I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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