so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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