If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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