If i come over, it means nothing
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
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I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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