Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
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Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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