how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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