Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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