everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
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My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
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Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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