Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
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It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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