im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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