forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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