i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize