Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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