you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize