I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
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Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
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I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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