It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize