What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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