capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
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i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
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I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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