Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
