Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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