As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
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Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
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Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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