He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
did i walk over a car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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