Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize