At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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