This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize