Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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